Revelations!

It's been a semester full of excites, I'm almost sad to see it go. Almost, but not quite. I feel older and wiser and I know myself better- for example;

• I have trouble saying 'No' to people unless I'm close to them.

Silly? I think so too but I think of it this way- the reason I can't say no to people is because I feel worried about how trustworthy they think I am. I don't want to let their expectations of me down and, though I know I should live up to my own expectations and not others, my own expectations of myself keep increasing daily so I'm in a constant battle to level up fast. As for saying 'No' to my close friends, I feel that they know who I am and they can understand when I think I would not like or be suited to do something.

• I can't sit still for a whole movie but I can read a whole book in one go.

I've found my attention span to be dropping at quite a rapid rate recently, and was shocked to find that unless I'm in a cinema seat, strapped down with nowhere to go or look and no choice but to watch, I will pause the movie and do something else eventually forgetting that I was watching a movie. It happened often enough to worry me, however, after the recent book sale 'The Big Bad Wolf', I found that I could plough through a book without even once looking up from the page. I don't get it either.

• I have this strange need to be a part of everyone's life.

It's almost as if I'm afraid of being forgotten- I think I try to accommodate way too many people in my circle whether they like it or not. I do have my close-friends, stretched across the continents, but then there's the large outer circle where the normal friends exist and it feels like I'm stretching that circle out as far as it can go. I need to learn to smile without needing to be friends with people.

There are many more things, but nothing worth mentioning- is there no end to what one can discover about oneself?